Moving Towards Healing: Making Amends in Recovery

Making amends, in terms of recovery, means acknowledging the hurt or damage that has been done, showing repentance, expressing genuine remorse, and then doing everything that you can to make it right. More general quotes regarding the process can still be helpful, like, “I don’t want to just say I am sorry, I want to show in my actions I am truly making amends”. Bear in mind, you’re not alone while navigating the process of making amends.

Step Nine: Making Amends in Recovery

It’s a testament to your strength, resilience, and determination to create a better life for yourself and those around you. Remember, recovery is a process, not an endpoint, and making amends is a significant step on the road to a brighter, healthier, and more fulfilling future. “In addiction recovery there is a lot of trial and error to figure out what works for each person,” says Ellyn Lowry, Clinical Coordinator at Centerstone.

What’s the Difference between Making Amends and Offering an Apology?

Reflecting on previous attempts at making amends can provide valuable insights and learning opportunities for more effective amends in the future. Examples of lessons learned might include realizing the importance of timing, understanding the other person’s perspective, living amends and recognizing when an apology is better left unsaid if it causes harm. The process of making amends can pose challenges and often trigger fears and anxieties. But remember, being intentional and realistic is a big part of making impulsive promises or actions.

Identifying 3 Types of Amends: Direct, Indirect, and Living

Let them know all the things you’re actively doing to try to prevent these behaviors from happening again. The goal in making amends is “to freely admit the damage we’ve done and make our apologies,” according to The Big Book. In some cases, making amends may mean paying or promising to pay “whatever obligations, financial or otherwise, we owe,” the Big Book also states.

• This signifies the acceptance of one’s responsibility for harmful actions.
• Steps eight and nine of the 12-Step Program clearly reference making amends, highlighting the importance of repairing those relationships, if possible.
• You may also have the opportunity in the future to make more direct amends with certain people in time.
• Making amends involves acknowledging and correcting past behaviors.
• These are territories hard to navigate, which is why you need some recovery time and a support network to help you.

“Allowed me to build a life for myself.”

Making amends with the people in your life may take weeks, months, or even years to accomplish, but it’s well worth the time and effort to get it done. Making amends is not the same thing as simply making an apology.1 An apology expresses the fact that you are remorseful for your behavior and you regret the decision(s) you made to hurt a person. On the other hand, making amends with someone deals more with justice, and righting a previous wrong. If you’re unsure what it means to make amends, you’re struggling with the idea of asking for forgiveness, or you don’t know how to make amends, this blog may serve as a helpful guide to help you get started.

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